In seperation, I thought we would have more time for ourselves. To carefully think about the things we want, about the things we're looking for in a person. To look at yourselves and realize the flaws that we don't seem to see. But no other reason beats that of me wanting you to take a better look at yourself.

The things you used to do which you don't anymore. Simple things that let me know you care like "I love you and I miss you". Or a simple call to ask me how am I. "good morning" messages were long gone, and so were the "good night, rest well" messages.

Anger and hate has evaporated, I now feel bitter. Erasing every essence of you from my desk was hard enough, let alone put the clothes I left at your house in the wash. That scent of your room that lingers on my clothes. They remind me of you. Sleep eased the moment I put your scent covered t-shirt to my nose, and I wake up feeling as miserable as I fell asleep.

Things that I want to say to you but don't. Messages that never get sent out. They pile in my draft box. And when I do get the courage to try and talk, nothing comes out. No words being exchanged even in a context of a game we play. Just haunting silence on the outside while thoughts as fast and loud as Formula 1 racers speed past in my mind. The things that you will never know.

I don't wish to see you, because every time I do, fragments of what's left of my heart break away. Like this morning during lecture. And I get reminded about how nothing's the same anymore.

I'm slowly destroying myself. Intoxicating my body. And you would never know or understand how I feel, because everything on the outside is just an act to mask what's crumbling into nothingness inside.

You still don't seem to show the slightest bit of concern because maybe you probably wouldn't want to remember anything anyway.

suri thought at 8:02 PM