I start to change into something the mirror doesn't recognize. The darkness has been biding it's time. Fresh meat for carnal desires, to become what i became. Will you still hold me when you've seen what i have done? My heart is dead. When i live in sin, it's hard to look at saints without them reflecting my jet black aura back on me. All i have is hope, and all i need is time, to bury a pine, under six feet of time, the lies i told me about myself. Claw my way out, pick the splinters from under my fingernails. I'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day.

Such rage that you could scream all the stars right out of the sky. I am exhumed, just a little less human and a lot more bitter and cold. Break myself, slave to my weakness, choke on my words. It feels like the light will never reach me here. I'm choking back my longing for shed tears. So strangulated by my lonesome fears.

Silver linings are getting harder and harder to manufacture and the smiles are difficult to fake. Through this toil, i will breed my own distress and destroy my best hopes, fuck up the things i love. I watched my dreams die. But i meant well. I tried too hard, gave every ounce of my soul to what end?

My daily life writes an eulogy, engraved on tombstone diaries. laid to rest by the passing of time, seems to me that even love can die. Soaked all the way through with remorse and regret, fire to purify my soul and blood to replenish it. I search in hopes of completion to justify my love for you, nothing every ends where our souls began.

Cry alone, i've gone away. no more nights. no more pain. i've gone alone, took all my strength, i've made the change, i won't see you tonight. Sorrow sank deep inside my blood. Building my inside of me, a place so dark so cold, i had to set me free. Don't mourn for me, you're not the one to place the blame. I can't see myself that way, please don't forget me, or cry when i'm away. So far away, i'm gone. Please don't follow me tonight, and while i'm gone, everything will be alright. No more breath inside, essence left my heart tonight.

When time soaked with blood turns its back, i know it's hard to fall. confided in me was your heart, i know it's hurting you, but it's kiing me. Uncovered lies surfaced, will make you change your mind. If you crack, just remember i'm not your enemy, i dont deserve to fall this way, by a man who felt betrayed.

I really need time off to think about what i really want. To smell the flowers, to feel the breeze, to be independent. I need to talk to you.

suri thought at 4:44 AM