I think PMS is here. I try really hard not to get angry or upset, so i stare blanky at the ceiling. And soon enough, as the fan keeps doing what it does best, it kinda makes the light flicker. Making it almost hypnotic. I knew i should've distracted myself. Beause the more i stare blankly and do nothing, the more stupid things i think about, the more i get paranoid and insecure and i felt so vulnerable. But i didnt distract myself. I didn't feel like moving. I felt that if i moved, i'd be attaked. verbally, spiritually and mentally. So my only way to cope, is to distance myself. Build a shield of mercury around me. I become defensive. And i feel the need to attack. But i worry i might lash out and kill you. But i don't want to do that just before you leave for the club. Hence the fake smiles and covered up voices that hide the girl crumbling inside. You average 2 cell messages and one multimedia on clubbing nights. But i didn't receive one. Not even one to say you're safely home. Which makes me get more paranoid and think about who's sleeping on my side of the bed.

I think i'm just gonna crawl back into bed in a foetal position under the quilt and shut myself out from civilization. Until it's time for me to go to school to hand in my assignment and then to work.

suri thought at 9:19 AM